


The Good Side

by lavenderlady



Series: heartworm [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Based On a Troye Sivan Song, M/M, Okay Ending, Post-Break Up, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-07 13:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13435467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlady/pseuds/lavenderlady
Summary: Isak got the good side of the break up.





	1. sympathize

**Author's Note:**

> Troye Sivan released a beautiful song called The Good Side this week and I immediately thought of Evak. Don't get too angry with me, okay!

It’s been a year. Or it’s been 11 months. Isak’s not sure when he stopped counting down the days since, but he he hasn’t been counting for a while. It dawns on him slowly that the ache is no longer there. Not the way it used to be. No longer heartwrenching, no longer so strong that it could pull him across the earth. No longer dull, the way it was at the 5 month mark. Still hurting despite the time and the new lips that had brushed against his. 

 

But at 11 months, almost a year. Even rarely crosses his mind. The thought saddens Isak in a way, but it also makes him proud. He knows the breakup wasn’t nearly as bad for him as it was for Even. He had distractions, he had America and Berkeley. He had Physics and Astronomy ( _Look Even, I can always know what stars your seeing. Would you like a star chart as well?_ ) and the fact that nothing in California could be connected to Even. There was no café that they used to go to every Sunday, no bar where they’d made out in the bathroom. There were no mutual friends or movie theatres that Even had dragged Isak to. But he’s still proud. Isak’s been able to be his own person. He discovered who he was without Even. And yes, there were days (months) that it hurt like hell, but now his life is lovely and the pain is gone. He made it through the dark. 

 

Now Magnus is getting married. _Magnus_. Of all people. When Mags had called to ask Isak to be a groomsman, Isak had been overjoyed (shocked as well, mainly because everyone thought Isak would be the first to get married. He would marry Even and they’d adopt a little girl and buy a bigger apartment in the city. Of course, Isak and Even had been broken up for two months when Magnus called, but it still felt weird.) 

 

_“I know you’ll have to fly in from California, but I was hoping you would make the trip for this.” Magnus says, his voice floaty in that_ I’m in love! _way that Isak used to use._

 

_“Of course I’ll fly in Mags. I’m honored that you asked.”_

 

_“Good, then it’ll be you, Jonas, Mahdi, and, uh, Even.”_

 

_“Even?” Saying his name hurts. He hadn’t realized he’d been avoiding saying it the word felt foreign in his mouth._

 

_“Yeah. He’s my best man.”_

 

_“I didn’t realize you two were still so close.”_

 

_“Does this change things? You’re still coming right?” Magnus sounds nervous now, like he’d let out some big secret._

 

_“It doesn’t change things.” Isak says after a moment. It doesn’t. The wedding isn’t until the spring, Isak has plenty of time to tell his heart to get it’s shit together._

 

It’s April now. Isak stands in the airport thinking about how last May he’d arrived in Oakland International Airport with his heart broken and now he’s finally headed back to Oslo and the only ache he feels is for California. The beautiful state that had taken him in and covered him in warmth. The state that felt more like home than the place he had grown up. Isak takes a deep breath and boards the plane. It’ll be a long flight back to Norway, plenty of time to overthink the conversations and people that await him. 

 

Magnus and his beautiful bride, Tove, were picking him up from the airport. When he caught sight of the his friend’s mop of blonde hair he couldn’t help but grin. 

“Mags!” He shouted, pulling the couple out of a conversation. Magnus mirrors Isak’s wide smile. 

 

“Isak!” He attacks him in a hug, pulling back after a moment to let Tove hug Isak as well. 

 

“Hei Isak.” She gives him a tired smile, her eyes full of love. “We’re so happy you could make it.” 

 

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Isak responds, following them out of the airport to the bus stop. “Thanks for letting me stay with you both.” 

 

“If you were willing to buy a plane ticket up, we weren’t making you pay for a hotel.” Tove laughs. Isak’s always liked Tove. She’s fairly reserved, equaling out Magnus’s exuberant personality. Long blonde hair and smart as a whip. She and Isak have had many conversations about parallel universes and Sagan’s theories about life on other planets. She was in school studying to teach History at the college level while Magnus was making plans to open his own coffee shop. Despite their many differences, the two were absolutely perfect for eachother and Isak was thrilled to see them sealing the deal. 

Tove leans over and wraps her arms around Isak’s and Magnus’ waists. “I’m very happy right now.” She announces with the calm certainty that Isak had always admired about her. 

“Me too.” Magnus grins down at her, placing a kiss in her hair. Looking at the two of them, Isak pushes away thoughts of California and focuses on the Oslo skyline in front of him. “Me too.” 

 

The boys are all drinking with Magnus for his bachelor party. Jonas had informed Isak that Magnus specifically asked to not have strippers or to go clubbing. He simply asked that everyone be together and for someone to buy expensive alcohol. Magnus and Isak are in a Uber on the way to Even’s apartment. Isak feels sick to his stomach at the thought, but Magnus is bursting with happiness. 

“God, I can’t wait until tomorrow.” Magnus sighs happily. 

“You’re a lucky man.” Isak responds, trying to focus on the fact that this weekend isn’t about him and Even, but rather Magnus and Tove. 

“I am. Fy faen, I am. I love her so much.” Magnus is borderline whining at this point and he hasn’t even had any liquor yet. 

“Well I’d hope so.” Isak laughs. “I’m glad I get to be a part of it.” Magnus grins at Isak, his eyes filled to the brim with love and happiness. They chat the rest of the car ride about Tove and _do you plan on moving to California? Yes. Could Tove and I visit you sometime?_ _Absolutely._

When the car stops in front of an apartment building Isak doesn’t recognize, he takes a deep breath. 

 

Into The Wild. 

 

Even’s apartment is playing music, some of that indie shit that Even adored. When they enter the boys are in the living room all talking loudly over beer. 

 

“The groom is here!” Magnus yells, getting their attention. They all start shouting running over to him, messing up his hair and pounding his back. Jonas pulls back first, his eyes landing on Isak. He immediately gives him a big hug. 

“Good to see you, Is.” He says in his ear. 

“You too, Jonas.” Isak responds before letting go. Mahdi follows after Jonas, giving Isak a welcome home! with his hug. Even just continues talking to Magnus, very pointedly not looking at Isak. Isak internally sighs. 

“Hey, Even.” Isak says, deciding that he’d rather get the awkward conversation out of the way so Magnus’s bachelor party can begin. 

“Isak.” Even responds, nodding his head to him, but refusing to take a step closer. 

 

“I like the new place.” Isak says, wishing the tension in the air wasn’t thick enough to cut with a knife. Wishing they had ended on better terms, instead of with slammed doors and drunken phone calls. 

 

“Thanks.” Even says, taking a breath after. The air sits in silence for a minute before Jonas takes matters into his own hands. 

 

“Well, since it is our brotherly obligation to get Magnus here absolutely wasted, I say we let the drinking begin.” Magnus whoops in agreement and they all head to the kitchen where Even has set up all sorts of beers. 

 

“So, as you can see. We have an assortment of materials to get one drunk.” The group laughs, as if they have an inside joke that Isak isn’t included in. 

 

“I said that one time.” Magnus whines, but his smile is still large and prevalent. 

 

“Seeing as you are the king of beers, and you’re only request was ‘expensive alcohol’ we have gone all out, my friend.” Even claps him on the back. “We have beer from every continent, except Antarctica, and a few extra European beers.” Magnus is overjoyed by all this and quickly is drawn to the African beer that Even has somehow managed to trackdown. They spend the first bit of the evening in the kitchen, listening to Magnus gush about his excitement not only with the wedding, but his coffee shop. Isak feels a little disjointed, realizing how little he has talked to the boys over the past year. Besides his weekly chats with Jonas, he hasn’t been the best at keeping communication up. He had no clue Magnus had such an affinity for beer, wanting to open a brewery after the café. Mahdi had been accepted into the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden for his medical degree. Sure, Jonas had given Isak little tidbits but Isak can’t remember the last time he _asked_ Jonas for info on his other friends. Taking another sip of his Australian beer, Isak feels like a shitty friend.

 

“Lets play a drinking game.” Mahdi suggests, downing the last bit of his beer. Magnus whoops again and Isak has a strong suspicion that he’s so happy that he’ll do anything. 

 

“What should we play?” Magnus asks. Isak had forgotten that he was a bit of a messy drunk, and laughs as his beer splashes onto him as he excitedly responds. 

 

“Let’s keep in simple.” Jonas adds. “We have an important day tomorrow, we can’t get _too_ drunk.” 

 

“I know this is pretty amateur, but in America, Never Have I Ever is a popular party game.” Isak adds. His voice is a bit raspy, not having talked a lot yet. Even snorts at Isak’s recommendation. Magnus hollars again.

“Sounds good to me. It won’t get us too wasted since it’s shots of beer and not tequila.” The rest of the boys agree and all flock to Even’s cabinets to grab a shot glass. Isak’s throat catches when he sees the Romeo and Juliet shot glass. 

 

_“I know you’re not supposed to drink too much, but I couldn’t help buying it when I saw it.” Isak says, grinning. It’s Even’s 21st birthday and he’s just opened a gift from Isak. “In America, this would be considered the perfect gift for a 21st birthday.” Even laughs at this. It’s a small set of shot glasses, one saying Team Capulet and the other saying Team Montague. “I love it, baby.” He says, leaning over to kiss Isak._

 

The other shot glass sits in a box in California, collecting dust over it’s lack of use, but Even’s is just sitting there on display. Even catches him staring at and tosses him a sad smile, but doesn’t comment on it. He reaches up and hands Isak a shot glass, a new one Isak doesn’t recognize. The rest of the boys head into the living room with various bottles of beer to set up the game. 

“You’re tan.” Even says before Isak can leave the kitchen. 

“Am I?” Isak laughs awkwardly. “I am at the beach a great deal more than normal.” Even smiles softly. 

“California is treating you well then?” 

“Very well.” Silence fills the air. “I think I’m going to move there after I graduate.” 

“Really?” Even is shocked, this is apparent. “That’s. Uh. That’s awesome, Isak.” 

“How about you? Oslo still treating you well?” Before Even can answer, the boys are calling out for them. Even smiles sadly again, but pushes past Isak to join the boys.

 

“Okay ten fingers up, no loaded questions.” Jonas says. 

“Oh fuck that.” Magnus splutters. “I know too much about all of you not to have loaded questions.” Even laughs loudly at this and Isak is surprised to find the sound sending shivers down his spine.

“Alright, alright. It’s your funeral.” Jonas waggles his eyebrows at Magnus. “Never have I ever been engaged.” Magnus groans. 

 

 

The game continues with laughter and lots of loaded questions. _Never have I ever accidentally ordered 10 bottles of ketchup from Amazon, never have I ever cried while watching Cars, never have I ever been to California, never have I ever spent the entire day watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians (_ to which Mahdi yelled “that was one time!”). They’re all down to one finger and very drunk. It’s Magnus’ turn and he points at Isak. “I’m getting you out, Bro.” 

 

“What?” Isak shrieks. “Why me?” 

 

“Because you don’t live here and I never get the chance to kill you in a drinking game.” Magnus slurs out. He takes a dramatic breath, looks at Isak and says: “Never have I ever moved out of the country.” Isak sulkingly lowers his last finger, muttering a ‘fuck you, bro.’ His eyes wander over to Even, the way they’ve been doing all night. His face looks suddenly very sober and very sad. 

 

_“I got the grant to study abroad.” Isak blurts out. They’re laying in bed, the lights out. He can hear Even swallow._

 

_“That’s awesome, Isak. I’m so happy for you.” Even rolls over and places a long kiss on his shoulder._

 

_“I know it’ll be a long time apart, but we can do it.”_

 

_“Of course we can.” Isak tries to make his brain believe what he’s just said to Even, but instead he lays awake thinking of all the ways their love can crash and burn until the sun comes up._

 

“I’ve gotta take a piss.” Isak announces, after watching another round. They all nod mutely, focused on Mahdi, who is busy thinking of his next victim. “Where is it?” He asks softly to Even, who was just taken out by Jonas with _never have I ever cried over Harry Styles_. 

 

“Oh. Uh, down the hall to the left.” Isak quietly stands up and follows Even’s directions, leading him to a small bathroom. The inside is covered in Even’s hair products, along with a toothbrush some toothpaste and a few other selfcare items. It’s all so domestic and familiar that Isak is taken aback by the rush of memories surrounding him. 

 

_“Isak, baby, you know I’m proud of you. But the summer as well? You just keep adding time apart.” Isak is standing in their bathroom brushing his teeth while Even stands in the doorway, noticeably upset._

 

_“Even, this is a big deal. It’s not every day that a professor you respect and look up to invites you to take a summer intensive with him.”_

 

_“I know that, but can we think this through? You’re doing two semesters at UC already and now you’re adding two more months. That’s a long time for us to be apart.”_

 

_“Oh my God, why can’t you just admit what this is really about.” Isak mumbles, spitting out his toothpaste and brushing past Even._

 

_“What?” Even says stopping him. His face is confused._

 

_“You’re jealous, Even. Your film wasn’t accepted at that festival and now you’re jealous that things are working out for me.” Isak immediately regrets the words after he says them, especially after he watches heartbreak and rage play out over Even’s features._

 

_“Oh yeah, that’s what happening right now. I’m jealous that my boyfriend of_ three fucking years _gets to leave for almost a year. Fuck you, Isak.” Even storms past him and out the door before Isak can formulate an apology._

 

Isak shakes his head, trying to get the bad memories out of his brain. He turns on the sink, letting the water run cold over his fingers before he splashes his face. The icy shock helps break him from his reverie, and when he finishes wiping the water off his face he turn to find Even standing in the doorway. 

 

“God, Even, you scared me.” Isak lets out a breathy laugh to diffuse the tense air that surrounds them. 

 

“Oh, sorry.” Even shifts his weight from one foot to another. 

 

“Everything okay?” Isak finds the words slipping out before he can stop them. Like he’s stepping back into his caring boyfriend role when he needs to stay detached. He tries thinking of California and graduating but Even is standing there staring at his feet looking sad and all Isak wants is to hold him. 

 

“Yeah, I just.” 

 

“Even, you can still talk to me.” Isak says softly.

 

“Would you like to get coffee tomorrow morning? Before the service?” Even’s no longer looking at his feet, instead he’s staring at Isak so intently that Isak squirms a bit under the gaze. 

 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” 

 

“Please, Isak.” 

 

Isak hears himself agree. 

 

 

“I can’t believe Magnus is the first one of us to be getting married.” Jonas laughs. They’re all pretty drunk, laying around Even’s living room. 

 

“Fuck, I can’t believe I get to marry her.” Magnus sighs happily. “Although I take offense to that, Jonas.” 

 

“In upper secondary you didn’t even know you were supposed to go down on girls!” Jonas giggles. 

 

“Yeah, well a lot has changed since then!” Magnus fights back, although he’s so drunk he giggles along with Jonas. 

 

“Seriously though, I never would’ve imagined that you’d be the first one getting hitched.” Mahdi inputs. 

 

“Who did you think would get married first?” Magnus asks.

 

“Obviously Isak and Even.” Mahdi tosses his answer out so nonchalantly, but the room immediately freezes. “Faen.” Mahdi hisses out. “I’m so drunk, I’m such an idiot.” Even gets up quickly, walking out his front door with a quiet _I’ll be right back._ It’s silent for a minute after the door slams, until Jonas speaks.

 

“You holding up okay, bro?” 

 

“I thought I was over this.” Isak hisses out. “Faen, I was over this.” He sits up from where he was laying on the floor. His head reels from the sudden movement, but the pain grounds him. 

 

“I still can’t believe you two broke up. You were so in love.” Magnus chimes in, solemnly. 

 

“The first month hurt like hell. He called me one night, manic. Saying he would buy a plane ticket to see me and he missed me. It was the first time in three years where he was manic and I wasn’t there. I had to tell him no. Don’t buy a plane ticket. That shit hurt.” 

 

“I never knew that.” Jonas whispers. 

 

“I cried for weeks.” Isak is staring at the wall, trying to pretend the lines aren’t blurring. That the salt isn’t burning his eyes. “I almost flew home and gave up the study abroad.” 

 

“Why didn’t you?’ Mahdi asks. 

 

“We broke up because I told him I needed to figure out who I was without him. I’d never really been alone. I felt like if I ran back to Oslo, ran back to him, I would’ve been doing myself an injustice.” Isak swallows the lump in his throat, thinking back to July. “I also really fucking loved what I was learning.” Isak laughs bitterly, but it’s enough that the room diffuses. Jonas chuckles softly, then leans over to check his phone. 

 

“Hey, Mags.” Magnus looks over to Jonas. “It’s 24. You get married today.” Magnus smiles so wide Isak momentarily forgets the pain in his chest. 

 

They head home soon afterwards. Tove is staying at her parents house for the night so Isak is in charge of getting Magnus sobered up in the morning. He preemptively places ibuprofen and water next to his bedside table before laying down on the couch. Isak’s mind is racing, making it impossible to sleep. Then again, insomnia is not something new to Isak’s brain. The entire evening felt like a marathon. His head hurts, his heart hurts, and he misses his bed in California. Not to mention, he’s experiencing major jet lag. Norway is 9 hours ahead of Berkeley and Isak’s body can feel it. He’s both exhausted and wide awake. 

 

Why did Even invite him to coffee? Why did Isak agree? Even looked so good. Isak had tried not to stare, tried to not even look at Even. That obviously failed. He was pretty sure that some point during the their impromptu round of Cards Against Humanity, Isak had been undressing Even with his eyes. His hair was longer, fluffed up and curling at the ends. His eyes tired but still that familiar, bright shade of green. Everything was _so_ familiar. The scent in his apartment, the posters on his walls. The only difference was Isak wasn’t allowed to touch him. He wasn’t allowed to reach out and push his hair out of his face or trace Even’s lips with his fingers. He wasn’t allowed to lay his head of Even’s shoulder when he got tired, and certainly wasn’t allowed to kiss him. At one point during the night, Isak had felt the most overwhelming urge to just climb into Even’s lap and run his tongue over Even’s teeth. The thought had taken him by surprise, and was quickly pushed away with another sip of beer. He hadn’t missed Even in so long that the feeling felt foreign and invasive. 

 

_Isak is in a crowded room. He’s surrounded by other science majors, they’re all drinking and playing cards. His brain hurts from struggling to keep up with the conversations. His English is exceptionally better from when he arrived, but still not completely fluent and sometimes he misses chunks of stories or sentences. He’s homesick and lonely and pretty fucking drunk. Daniel, the boy he’s been staring at all night, has just placed his arm around Stella and Isak feels like the bullet in his chest has just burrowed itself deeper. It’s not that he wants Daniel, not really. He just misses having someone. For the millionth time, Isak reminds himself that this isn’t healthy. He needs to discover who he is without Even. Needs to make sure he can function as an independent human, not a codependent boyfriend. Still hurts though._

 

_His phone starts to ring, a skype call. It’s Even. Isak quicky excuses himself from the group, stumbling into the hallway and then outside, before answering. He can’t miss the call. The screen loads a fuzzy looking Even, bright smile and wide eyes._

 

_“Isak!” He hollers._

_“Even, what… what are you doing?”_

_“Isak, baby, you look so good. God I’ve missed you. I want to take you in my arms right now.” Isak is confused, but Even looks_ so _happy._

 

_“What’s going on Even?”_

 

_“I have it all figured out. We’re going to be okay!”_

 

_“What do you mean?” Isak’s heart is racing._

 

_“I’m buying plane tickets. We’re going to be together, it’ll all be okay.”_

 

_“Faen, Even, I miss you so much.” Isak can feel moisture wicking in his eyes._

 

_“I miss you too, baby. I’ll fly in this weekend and we can fix everything and it’ll all be fine again.”_

 

_Oh._

 

_Isak gets it now. Even’s manic and Isak isn’t there. For the first time in three years, Isak isn’t there. Isak pushes the excitement he had momentarily felt away. This isn’t real, Even is manic and by the time the weekend comes he’ll be locked in his bedroom sleeping again. The thought breaks Isak, but he knows what he has to do._

 

_“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Even.”_

 

_“What? Why? This’ll fix everything. I miss you so much. I miss your lips and your body and the way you breathe when your sleeping. I miss-“_

 

_“Even.” Isak can feel his heartbreaking, can feel his tears threatening to cascade and Even is looking frantic._

 

_“You just said you missed me, why did you lie? Why do you always lie? You said we’d be together_ forever _.” Even’s words are sharp, filled with daggers and bullets. The first tear falls._

 

_“I’m sorry, Even. You can’t fly to me. Don’t buy a plane ticket.”_

 

_“You’re a fucking liar! I loved you! I love you!” Even is yelling and Isak can barely keep up. His brain is still impaired by the alcohol and he knows that Even can’t fly to him. It wouldn’t fix anything._

 

_“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Even.”_

 

_“Was I just a project? Something to help you prove that you’re not like your father?” Even’s tone is low and menacing now. “Well guess what, Isak. You left. You’re just like him. You’re just like that piece of shit, scumbag-“_

 

_Isak hangs up. His legs give out and he collapses outside the dormitory, sobbing on the sidewalk. Is this who he is without Even? Crying in California?_


	2. recognize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I made a movie.”   
> “Even! That’s incredible!”   
> “About you.”   
> “Oh.”

Fortunately Isak is able to sleep for a few hours. He wakes up early though. Sunlight reaches through Magnus’s blinds and brushes Isak’s face. It’s 7 and Isak is officially wide awake with a throbbing headache. He grabs the medicine and water he had laid next to his bed and begins nursing his hangover. He knows it’s very early, but he reaches for his phone to text Even. 

God, it’d been so long since he had typed his name into his phone. He remembers the second week in California being so homesick and heartbroken, taking the heart next to Even’s name out of his contact. For the fiftieth time since agreeing to meet with Even, Isak wonders what he’s doing.

 

 _Hey, I’m awake and sober so whenever you want to meet just let me know_. 

 

Isak sends the text, immediately hating the wording but knowing there’s nothing he can do about it. 

 

_I’m awake._

 

The response is quick and Isak’s not quite sure what to say back. 

 

_Do you want to meet now?_

 

Even texts again and Isak knows he looks like shit, not having showered yet and having done some fairly significant drinking last night but. What the hell right? 

 

 _Kaffe og krem?_  

 

 _See you in twenty_. 

 

Shit. This is actually happening. Isak leaps up, his head reeling. He quickly brushes his teeth, tries to mat down his hair a bit before catching sight of a snapback in the bathroom. It’s an old one of Isak’s that Magnus had stolen when they graduated. Isak hasn’t seen it in ages, but he places it over his curls hoping to tame them in a way. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous. Even has seen him at best and his worst. He has seen him a mess on their bed and after that weekend when the apartment’s hot water heater broke and Isak refused to shower in the cold water. He throws on a clean pair of black joggers and his gray UC Berkeley sweatshirt. He may not look amazing, but at least he no longer looks like a hangover. He quickly writes Magnus a note and then rushes out the door, knowing he’ll be late to meet Even. 

 

It’s a cold morning, about 3 degrees celsius. There’s only a few strands of stray light. Isak’s grown accustomed to night being dark and day being light that the lack of sunlight surprises him for a moment. The walk to Kaffe Og Krem isn’t too bad. It used to be where Isak and Even went every Sunday. They’d sit in the corner booth and Isak would finish whatever homework he had left over and Even would edit for his film. They’d both get coffee and split a large blueberry muffin. Isak remembers the first Sunday they didn’t go to Kaffe Og Krem. It was a four days before America and Isak spent the morning crying on Eskild’s couch trying to convince himself breaking up was the right decision. 

 

When Isak steps into the warm sanctuary of the coffee shop, his eyes immediately go to their regular corner booth. He finds himself a little bubbly inside when Even is sitting there. Of course, normal Sundays would have them walking in together, but Isak still feels like he’s been transported into an alternate reality where they never broke up.  A reality where this is just another Sunday. Of course today is actually Saturday and Even doesn’t grin when he sees Isak. Instead he does a little wave, paired with a sleepy half smile. After ordering a coffee, Isak slides into the booth across from Even. 

“Sorry I’m a little late.” Isak says. 

“It’s fine.” 

“I didn’t think you’d text back so fast.” Isak tries to chuckle, hoping to diffuse the moment. 

“Oh.” The quiet seeps in again and Isak wonders yet again why Even invited him out. Especially if he’s going to be silent and moody. “I haven’t been sleeping much this week. I guess this is what it feels like to be you.” This time Even tries to chuckle and diffuse the moment.

“Welcome to the wonderful world of insomnia,” Isak jokes. “we have parties all night!” Even laughs softly at this.

“Although I must say I was surprised you texted me so early. I didn’t expect to hear from you until at least nine.” 

“In America, it’s just getting to be nighttime. Jet lag is a real bitch.” Isak doesn’t mention that the prospect of Even’s presence has resulted in Isak barely sleeping the past few days in general. 

“I’m glad you love California though.” 

“I do. God, I love California.” Isak laughs. “I didn’t think I would like it as much as I do.” 

“I’ve always wanted to go.” 

“You should! I always thought I would never leave Oslo but I’m very glad I did.” He sees pain flash in Even’s eyes. 

“I’m happy for you than.” Even’s smile is easy but doesn’t reach his eyes. The whole situation feels so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. He knows that he’s sat in this booth with Even before. They've talked about California in this booth together before. He knows that at one point Even knew everything about him, but right now, it’s hard to believe. Even feels like a stranger and this cafe feels like cold and empty. Isak’s homesick for California so fast that he feels like he might actually be sick for a moment. He takes a deep breath and  looks up towards Even. Even’s piercing gaze meets his eyes. 

“Isak, I need to talk to you about something.” Even looks nervous, but Isak can see the resolve in him. This is a conversation they're having, whether Isak likes it or not. 

“Okay. What about?” Even’s eyes flit about. It’s obvious he’s searching for words he doesn’t have. 

“I made a movie.” 

“Even! That’s incredible!” 

“About you.” 

“Oh.” Isak doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t know what to _feel_. Throughout their relationship, Even constantly filmed Isak. He would turn these clips into little movies and present them to Isak as gifts. The first was one Isak’s 18th birthday. Even gave him odes to his morning hair, cinematic tributes to drunk Isak, sleepy Isak, goofy Isak. He filmed Isak with the sunset and the sunrise, with the night stars and Oslo skyline. Isak always felt beautiful in front of Even’s camera, almost like he could see through Even’s rose-colored glasses. Yet, he doesn’t know what this film could be about. 

“Isak, uh. When you left.” Even is struggling to get the words out. “When you left…” Isak can see in his eyes the battles to get out all his emotions. He can hear the waterfall of emotions before Even even opens his mouth. “When you left, I felt blindsided and broken and, and I didn’t know what to do. I had been filming you for a while, I was working on something new. I hadn’t told you about it, it was supposed to be a gift, it was going to be a gift. I could feel myself slipping. God, Isak, I was so _sad_.” Even fumbles his words here, and for a moment Isak thinks he’s going to cry, but then Even continues to push on. 

“So I decided I needed something to focus on. I already had some old footage so I started shooting new things, things that reminded me of you. It was therapeutic and it actually turned out kind of good. Like really fucking good.” Even laughs sadly at this and Isak thinks this is what it feels like to find out Ed Sheeran wrote a break-up song about you. Even apparently views Isak’s silence as a signal to keep on talking because Even takes a deep breath and continues. 

“So I submitted it to a few festivals, not expecting anything. But after I poured my heart and soul into it, it was kind of nice to get recognition and well Isak, my film has been winning some awards. At first it just won a few regional festivals, but then I placed first in Oslo’s festival and my professor wants me to start submitting it internationally and I figured, you know, I should tell you. I should’ve asked your permission before submitting anything with your face, but I was so pissed off and heartbroken. That being said, I won’t submit it internationally if you don’t feel comfortable with it.” Isak is dumbstruck. Even is looking at him and the entire room feels like its getting smaller and all Isak can see is blue. Blue in Even’s sad, questioning eyes, blue in the muffins they used to share, blue in the painting behind Even’s head, blue in the air outside. He can’t really breathe. Theoretically, he knows he can. He can feel his chest rising and falling, but everything keeps going in and out of focus and there are people in Oslo who know that Isak left. People in Oslo that know that Isak left Even with a broken heart. 

“What’s it about?” Isak asks, hoping he’s wrong. Hoping that Even didn’t create a movie about their break-up. 

“Us. The break-up.” Isak feels trapped. He knows it’s not really a big deal, but he likes his privacy. Even knows this, knew this. 

“Uh, wow.” Isak is trying to breathe, trying to not make it look like he’s struggling with this information. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

“What’s it called?” 

“86.” Isak remains quiet at this, processing the title and the mixed emotions rushing through his body. 

“I didn’t get rid of you.” 

“It felt like it.” 

“Don’t do this, Even.” 

“No, Isak. Don’t invalidate my feelings. It felt like you were getting rid of me. You’re reasons were utter bullshit. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left.” 

“Oh, so I just was supposed to not go to America? Turn down the best opportunity I’ve ever had?”

“That’s not what I meant, Isak, and you know that. You wouldn’t have broken up with me.” 

“I couldn’t breathe, Even! I loved you so much I couldn’t fucking breathe!” Isak bursts out and Even goes quiet immediately. “Okay? It got to be too much. I needed to discover who I was because all I could see was you.” 

“Then you talk to me, Isak. You don’t disappear to America.” Even sighs. “I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Even stands up quickly and disappears behind the men's room doors. Isak feels sick to his stomach. The room feels colder, the air heavier, and his chest tighter. Even’s outburst was unexpected. The movie was _unexpected_. God, Even made a movie. About _him_. About the break-up. Isak’s not sure what to feel. This whole meeting feels like he’s being served— like this is their divorce, or something. His head is spinning. _Even, Even, Even, Even_. It’d been 11 months. Isak was fine. He was fine. He had been fine. _If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left_. Isak wanted to explain to him, wanted him to understand that it wasn’t like that. Isak was an alcoholic and Even was a bottle of whiskey. 

 

Even walks back up to the table and cooly slides back in. Isak clears his throat, not really sure what he’s going to say, but knowing what needed to be said.

“I loved you.” 

“Loved?” 

“Loved.” Even looks so broken and Isak’s tired. His bones ache with exhaustion and he can feel his jetlag kicking in. This conversation hurts and he knows that they shouldn’t be rehashing old battles. Not on Magnus’s wedding day, not when that’s not what the met about. The silence seeps in again, overflowing around them like a bathtub with the faucet left running. “Can I see the movie?” 

“Of course.” 

“I am sorry, you know.” 

“For what?” 

“For getting the good side.” Even sighs at this. He nods his head, just once, acknowledging Isak. _If you loved me, you wouldn’t have left_. Isak got the good side and Even was still hurting. Eleven months and the wound still festering. 

“I’ll email you the film.” Even scoots out of the booth and and leaves the coffee shop. 

 

When Isak steps back into the apartment, Magnus is awake making breakfast. 

“Hey! Where have you been?” Isak steps into the kitchen, watching as Magnus scrapes eggs out of a pan and onto a plate. 

“Uh, Kaffe og Krem.” Magnus turns to him, recognizing the coffee shop as one Isak and Even used to frequent. “With Even.”

“Oh.” Magnus turns back around and grabs two mugs, pouring coffee into them. He hands Isak one and then leans against the counter to eat his eggs. “What did you two talk about?” 

“He made a movie. About me. And I guess it’s been winning a few awards and he needs my permission to submit internationally.” 

“It’s a good film. Have you gotten to see it yet?” Magnus responds, so nonchalantly. 

“No! How have you seen it?” 

“We all went to the screening when he won Oslo Film Festival.” 

“So everyone has seen it?” 

“Yeah,” Magnus laughs softly. “I think you should watch it.” Isak sighs at this. 

“I’m kind of scared.” 

“Why?” 

“That it’ll make me regret my choices or something.” 

“Isak, you made your decisions for a reason. Whether they were good or bad, I think your heart already knows, and a short film shouldn’t change that. Either way you need to watch the movie.” 

 

Isak is alone in Magnus’s kitchen. He can hear the shower running and Magnus humming some upbeat tune. Isak has his laptop out and his email up. In his inbox sits an email with the subject line “86” and Isak is just staring at it. He knows that he needs to watch it, knows that Even expects him to have watched it by the wedding this afternoon. Yet, his brain is unwilling. _Just watch the damn thing, Isak_. Nervously, he clicks the email. 

 

_Isak,_

_Attached is my movie. I just want you to know, I am thankful for those three years we spent together. I do not hate you._

 

_Please do not share the film anywhere._

 

_Even_

 

Taking a deep breath, he clicks the attachment. The screen starts black. 

 

 _“Even! Even!”_ Laughter. Isak giggling followed by Even’s loud laugh. The black fades in and out of focus with white light. It’s apparent there’s a window and white walls but you only get a glimpse before the screen returns to darkness. _“Even, I love you.” “I love you too._ ” This is whispered and Isak doesn’t even remember when Even filmed this. The screen starts to focus on white again and Isak recognizes the room as their bedroom in their apartment. Isak is walking around the bedroom in a white button up, a tie hanging loosely around his neck. _“Let me tie that for you.”_ Even says, his voice behind the camera. Isak remembers this day. He remembers Even being all excited about his new tripod and having it set up. Isak didn’t know he was filming. Even walks forward and starts to tie Isak’s tie. In the shot you can only see Even’s back but you can see Isak’s face in full view. Isak looks love drunk, enamored, as he stares up at Even. Isak leans forward and places soft kisses on Even’s hands. The screen fades to black again, only to have the white bedroom reappear again. It’s early, soft light dances around the bedroom and Isak is asleep in the bed. Their window is open and the curtains flutter around in the breeze.

 

Isak feels sick to his stomach. The movie continues like that for a while, soft memories and pastel colors. Slowly the color starts to exit the shots and you almost don’t notice. Isak starts appearing less in the film. While at the beginning, Isak was the primary focus, overtime the emptiness seeps in. An empty bedroom. Only one pair of shoes by the door. Only Even eating dinner. Eventually it’s all black and white. It’s quiet too. Absolutely no sound except background noise, like the clanking of dishes or a car driving by. Then, Isak starts to hear soft piano music. The color starts to return to the film. Even’s voice starts to speak over the shots. 

“In America, during the time periods of 1920 to 1933, they had what is known as the prohibition: a government ordered alcohol drought. The citizens were not able to buy liquor and could be arrested if found under the influence of it. Chumley’s is a famous New York speakeasy. It was located on 86 Bedford Street and it’s large courtyard adjoining the building gave customers the privacy and discretion they required. Every so often, the New York police would stick their noses into the establishment for a raid. Whenever this was the case, the bartender would yell, “86 everyone!” and the whole place would hightail out of the 86 Bedford entrance in order to miss the cops, who entered through the courtyard entrance.” The whole time Even was talking, one shot sat on the screen. Even was sitting in the bed typing away on his computer. When he finishes speaking, Isak appears next to the bed. He leans over and places a kiss on the back of Even’s neck before joining him on the bed. The screen goes black. 

“Now, 86 is simply slang meaning: to get rid of.” A series of images flashes on the screen so fast that Isak doesn’t have time to really register them. Isak and Even at the beach, Isak and Even getting dinner, Isak and Even at the movies, Isak and Even on vacation in Iceland, Isak and Even at Nissen, Isak and Even cuddled up on the couch. Then the screen shows the same shot as before, except this time, Even is alone. Isak is no longer cuddled up behind him, places kisses on his neck. The screen goes black. 

 

Isak rushes to the bathroom and throws up. He throws up his coffee and his eggs and he keeps on vomiting until its nothing but spit. Magnus comes in after a moment, worried. 

“Bro, you can’t be sick on my wedding day.” He teases. When Isak turns to look at him, tears in his eyes, Magnus’ smile drops. 

“I didn’t get rid of him, I didn’t.” Isak starts to sob. Magnus crouches down next to him and starts rubbing his back. “I loved him so much, I did. But things got to be so much. I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never been without him, you know? I met him when I was 17 and in the closet. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, but I didn’t know who I was.” Isak is crying so hard that his entire body is shaking. 

“We all got mad at him, you know, after we saw the movie.” Magnus says softly. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s a beautiful film, but it puts you in a horrible light.” Magnus laughs bitterly. 

“I can’t stand him thinking that I just tossed him aside, that I _86’d_ him. But I got the study abroad and then things got weird and I shouldn’t have to pick between opportunities and love, not this early in my life and then I just realized that my entire life revolved around Even. How was Even feeling? Can I sign up for an extra class with Even working?  I need to have time to see him. Even wants to see this movie, and since he’s the film guy we’ll go see that. Even’s off work tonight so I can't go out.  I felt like I no longer had a life outside of Even. Even _was_ my life.” He’s stopped crying now,  except for a few lone tears that keep escaping his eyes. “Meanwhile Even was getting angry with me because I was turning into Sonja, monitoring things and what not. So I thought he’d welcome the change, we’d both get a breath away from each other. A needed bit of space, but instead he lashed out and then things went downwards from there.” Magnus is quite the entire time, still rubbing his back. “I don't know what he told you, after we split. I tried not to make it messy and spread stories.” Isak can feel the snot bubbling up his nose. He’s a wreck. 

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Isak. You’re one of my best friend’s always will be. How you are portrayed in a narrative created by your ex, won’t change anything to me.” 

“Magnus, can I ask you something?” 

“Of course.” Magnus chuckles. 

“Why is Even your best man?” Magnus sighs softly, but not in an upset way. 

“Even… Even isn’t difficult. When things are crazy with my mom, he just understands. After a while, that shit brings you closer. He’s helped me through a lot of sleepless nights.” Isak closes his eyes, thinking of all the nights Even had stayed awake to talk through Isak’s insomnia or any bullshit that was happening with his family. Isak sniffles a few more times before wiping his eyes. 

“Alright Mags, let’s go get you married.” 

 

Isak’s not really sure how weddings work. He knows they had had a rehearsal, but that was the night before he flew in so he’s feeling completely clueless. After taking a shower, he throws on a pair of black jeans with a white t-shirt. They’re all changing at the church. The wedding is at 14:30 and it’s just now 9:30, so he knows they have time to kill. The boys are arriving at 11 to drive over with Magnus and Isak, just to make sure everything is ready. Magnus is nervously pacing the house, fixing and re-fixing his hair. 

“Mags, come sit.” Isak calls out. 

“I’m too anxious.” Magnus responds, still pacing. 

“Bud, you gotta take a breather. Come sit.” Magnus begrudgingly sits next to Isak, immediately starting to shake his check. 

“Why are you so jittery?” Isak laughs. 

“Maybe because I’m fucking getting married today.” Magnus responds. 

“But you love Tove right?” 

“Fuck. I love her so much.” 

“Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?” 

“Holy shit, yes.” 

“Then why are you anxious?” Magnus stops shaking his leg and gives Isak an easy smile. 

“You’re right. Let’s play FIFA to pass the time.” It’s easy for an hour and a half to disappear when you’re play video games so when the boys walk into Magnus’ apartment, Isak is almost surprised. They all run into and jump onto the couch, whooping about the wedding and Magnus _finally having sex!_ When Even sits down next to Isak, he’s pretty surprised. 

“Hey.” Even smiles, knocking their knees together. 

“Oh, uh. Hey.” Isak forces a smile back. 

“Sorry for jumping on you this morning.” 

“Uh, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about.” 

“Seriously though, it’s been almost a year. You don’t owe me any explanations, so I shouldn’t be digging up past grievances.” 

“Even, look…” 

“Alright, boys! Let’s head to a wedding!” Jonas announces, interrupting Isak and Even’s conversation. Even gives me an apologetic look before standing up and joining the boys. Magnus and Isak grabs their suits and then follow Jonas out to the car. 

Isak sits in the back of the car with Mahdi and Jonas. Magnus is driving and Even sits in the passenger seat, navigating and playing DJ. The sun has fully risen by now and the sun traces streaks of light across Even’s body. He’s joking around with the rest of the boys, his laugh harmonizing with the shitty American pop music that is thumping through the car. While this morning his smile was forced, this morning it reaches his eyes easily. 

 

_Even is in the kitchen making dinner. Isak knows this due to the incredible smell wafting around the apartment when he comes in._

_“Hey babe!” Isak calls out._

_“Isak! You’re home!” Even sounds excited and Isak feels like a million bucks._

_“I’m home.” He responds, joining Even in the kitchen and wrapping his arms around his waist. Even leans down, all smiley and bright eyed, and plants a soft, sweet kiss on Isak’s mouth. The kind of kiss that has Isak’s toes curling in his socks. It’s summer, so the sun is still high in the sky despite the fact that it’s nearly 18:30._

_“How was work?” Even smiles._

_“It was good, missed you though.” Isak loves this time of day, when the sun creates patterns on the walls and highlights Even’s eyes, creating bright shapes on his skin. Even leans down and kisses him softly again._

_“Missed you too.” Even smiles. “I’m making burgers. They’ll be ready soon.” Isak nods his head, jumping up to sit on the counter next to Even. Of Monsters and Men is playing through Even’s bluetooth speaker and Isak thinks he wants to live in this moment forever. Soft music, soft kisses, soft light._

 

Isak doesn’t realize he’s zoned out until Jonas is shaking him to get his attention. 

“Bro, where’d you go?” He laughs. The radio is now playing “Love, Love, Love” and Isak’s heart is still reeling from the trip he just took down memory lane. “Sorry, just still a bit jet lagged.” Isak forces up a smile. Jonas nods his head and goes back to asking the car questions about the wedding. Even is no longer laughing, instead he seems to be listening to the music intently. Isak wonders if he’s remembering the same night. The night where Isak had told Even he liked this band and Even promised they’d go see them together. Or maybe Even is thinking about the time they flew to Iceland for the weekend and actually did see the band live. Even turns back to look at Isak and he can see it in his eyes, that Even is reminiscing the same way Isak is. _Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away, Yeah, maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it, Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person, Well, baby, I know._ The car arrives at the church and the boys all climb out, ready to be out of the tightly packed vehicle. Magnus is grinning, his excitement radiating off him. Mahdi and Jonas have just wrapped their arms around him, looking extremely happy for Mags. Even is walking a bit slower behind the group. When Isak turns back, he finds that Even is already looking at him. Isak slows a bit to catch his stride. 

“I always thought it’d be us, you know.” Even says softly. “Not Magnus.” 

“I think everyone did.” 

“Funny how things turn out.” Even laughs, it’s supposed to sound lighthearted but there's a bite to it. _And these fingertips, will never run through your skin, and those bright blue eyes, can only meet mine across the room filled with people that are less important than you._

“Funny how things turn out.” Isak echoes. Even speeds up to join Mahdi, Jonas, and Magnus. For a split second he imagines that this is his wedding. That he and Even are the ones tying the knot, not Tove and Magnus. Isak is surprised by how much this fantasy hurts. _All cause you love, love, love, when you know I can't love._

 

Even is no longer his and the for the first time in monthes, Isak realizes that maybe he isn’t okay. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hi, hi! Thank for the wonderful comments and love. It truly made my day. :) I have a really busy weekend so I'll do my best to update as soon as I can. Let me know what you want to happen or what you think will happen next in the comments! 
> 
> Also. I know this pic is based on a Troye song, but I just thought that OMAM song really hit the chapters mood. If you've never listened to the song, you seriously need to.


	3. apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weddings are all about love, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi hi!! 
> 
> i am so so so sorry that this took so long to update. i've been insanely busy with school and i didn't want to half-ass this chapter. anyway, absence makes the heart grow fonder right? enjoy the final chapter!

 

Isak is sitting in the room designated for the groomsmen alone. Jonas and Mahdi have gone to hit on the bridesmaids and Isak is assuming that Even is with them due to the empty room. It’s been a rough day and it’s barely halfway done. He was _fine_ in California, damn it. Sure, the first few months were rough, but Isak was good. Fantastic, actually. He was making his own decisions, pursuing his passions, and he had even learned how to cook more than just ramen. Isak felt like he knew who he was. He was more than the man of Even’s dreams. He was Isak Valtersen, a future physicist. He was in the process of getting an internship at NASA and he enjoyed going to the astronomy tower on clear nights and looking at Jupiter and Saturn. He worked in the campus library, he had friends from all over the world thanks to Berklee’s International program, and he fucking _loved_ California. He loved watching the sunset from the top of the Claremont Preserve with his friends and spending Saturdays at the Lawrence Hall of Science. He was the fittest he’d ever been due to the insane amount of biking he has to do around campus and he’s gone to a doctor and gotten his insomnia under control. Isak loved his life, loved his Italian roommate, Nico, and Nico’s Brazilian girlfriend, Isabel. He loved going to the beach and day trips to San Francisco. Yet, being in Oslo reminded him of the life he had, well, _left_. Whether it was intentional or not, he had practically severed ties with Norway. He barely talked to his friends, he was surprised when Magnus even invited him to the wedding, let alone ask him to be a groomsman. 

The door opens and Isak expects it to be the boys all returning from their hetero crusades, but instead it’s Even, carrying two steaming mugs. 

“Hey.” Even says, walking over and placing the cups on a table next to Isak. “I figured the jet lag was probably getting to you, so here’s some coffee.” Isak is in shock. Even has always been kind and attentive, but Isak always assumed it was because Isak was a needy-ass boyfriend. Isak remembers what Magnus said this morning, _He’s helped me through a lot of sleepless nights._

“Thank you.” Isak smiles, taking a mug. Even takes a seat in the chair next to him. Far enough away that they’re not touching, but close enough that Isak can smell his aftershave. 

“I watched your movie.” Isak says, breaking the silence. 

“Uh, what did you think?” Even asks, slightly nervous. Isak goes quiet at this, not sure what to say. Even shifts in his chair, taking the silence as a bad sign. 

“I threw up after I watched it.” Isak says, laughing weakly. 

“That bad?” 

“Not at all.” Even is looking at him with questioning eyes and Isak doesn’t know what to say. He’s hurt and conflicted and he kind of wants to take Even’s head between his hands and kiss every inch of his face.  Even is staying quiet, giving him time to elaborate. “It’s beautifully filmed, as always. You always are able to, I don’t know. You make me look beautiful.” 

“You are beautiful.” Isak had forgotten this side of Even, with his unwavering eyes and unrelenting honesty. He takes a deep breath and tries to count the seconds until he figures out what to say. In the distance there’s music and Even is still staring at him, all calm and focused. Isak is struggling to breathe and, of course, Even is as cool as a cucumber. He closes his eyes a moment, thinking back on the film. He keeps hearing Even’s voice and his heart breaks over and over and over again. _86 is simply slang meaning: to get rid of._ Isak wants to yell. He wants to shake him until Even understands that Isak wasn’t just tossing him aside. 

“I’m sorry.” Isak blurts out. This apparently is the one thing Even isn’t expecting to hear because he just blinks, shocked. “I’m sorry I didn’t communicate well. I’m sorry you felt like I was getting rid of you. I’m sorry I disappeared. I’m sorry I made you hurt. I’m so sorry.” Even stands up abruptly at this and Isak thinks he’s going to leave. Instead he stops halfway to the door, turning to face him. 

“You’re different, Isak. America made you a man. It breaks my heart.” 

“Why?” 

“Because it means you made the right decision and I’m the asshole.” 

“You’re not an asshole.” 

“You just said my movie made you throw up.” Even laughs, bitterly. 

“Because I hate you thinking that I never loved you or some shit like that.” Even is quiet, which Isak expected. He knows how Even’s mind works, he knows that that is exactly what Even had been thinking. “Because I did. I loved you so much, it was just a _me_ thing and-“

Then before Isak has time to finish his sentence, Even is in front of him, their faces so close he can feel the warmth of Even’s breath on his face. Even’s eyes are searching Isak’s with a fierce intensity. Isak’s forgotten how to breathe, he’s forgotten everything  that isn’t Even. Even’s scent, Even’s eyes, Even’s hands cupping Isak’s face. Softly, Even’s lips, brushing Isak’s. Isak’s eyes are fluttering closed at the contact, he starts to melt into the all too familiar contact. Then, abruptly, the world is cold again. Even has pulled back and is backing away like he’s done something wrong. He meets Isak’s eyes and Isak can see how fast his mind is rushing. He can see Even about to make the decision to hightail it out. Pre-California Isak would have let this happen. All good decisions are better when they’re sat on, but Isak doesn’t want this moment to end. He’s not sure why, but this feels like an important moment. So he quickly stands up and grabs Even’s hands, stopping Even from retreating. 

“Hey.” Isak says. “Look at me.” Even looks up at him and Isak can see fear in his eyes. “We may not be together anymore, but I’m still your biggest fan. I’m still your friend.” Even is quiet. “And you’re movie is really fucking good, even if I do look like the world’s biggest asshole in it.” 

“I’m sorry for exaggerating the breakup. You didn’t get rid of me.” 

“Can we stop with this bullshit then? I miss talking to you.”  Isak’s not sure where this newfound confidence came from, but he’s not upset about it. Especially when it results with him and Even actually talking again. 

“I miss talking to you too.” Even’s smile is tired but genuine and it makes Isak feel all warm inside. Isak can hear the boys laughing in the hallways approaching them, so he lets go of Even’s hands. 

“We’re good then?” 

“We’re good.” Isak’s not sure how true this is, but he no longer feels like he’s drowning, so that’s something. 

 

The wedding is beautiful. Scratch that— the wedding is absolutely stunning. Isak sheds a few tears when he sees Magnus break down saying his vows. Tove looks incredible and Magnus looks so _so_ happy. Immediately after the wedding, they all pile into a large van to take photos. There’s a two hour window between the service and the reception and they’re taking advantage of it. The entire wedding party is laughing and smiling and Isak swears he can feel the brightness coming from Magnus. Even keeps tossing him smiles and Jonas has slung his arm around Isak’s shoulder and he’s reminded how much he loves his friends. He _really_ loves his friends. Everything seems to be happening in slow motion, as if in a video for a happy song. Mahdi is grinning wider than Isak has ever seen and Tove’s bridesmaids, Liv, Anna, Ingrid, and May, are practically glowing. Isak feels alive. 

 

They’re taking the wedding photos in a field about twenty minutes from the church. They’ve hired a photographer named Otto to take the pictures and he’s already arrived when the van parks. First, they take group photos. At first they’re classy and traditional but soon they all have their tongues out and they take almost half an hours worth of silly photos. Then all the men lineup together, smiling as Otto snaps away. The air is soft and cool and Isak just knows the photos will be fucking amazing. The girls then all lineup together and Isak stands next to Jonas, smiling as the girls take ones showing off their heels. 

“Oslo is beautiful this time of year.” Jonas says, looking at Isak’s soft smile. 

“California is incredible, but I’d forgotten how much I love Oslo.” 

“How on earth could you forget?” Magnus cuts in. “We live in fantastic city.” 

“Come visit me in California and I’ll show you.” Isak laughs. 

“Kind of pissed I didn’t get to visit you. Would’ve loved to go to the States.” Mahdi says wistfully. 

“Well, uh, Isak is going to move there.” Even cuts in, clearing his throat. 

“Is that true, bro?” Mahdi asks. 

“Yeah.” Isak smiles sheepishly. “I have to graduate first, but I hope to move to Mountain View and work for NASA.” 

“Holy shit, man.” Jonas says. “How did you not tell me?” 

“It’s a long shot! My professor is helping me apply for an internship there. That way I might not have to leave Berkeley. It’s easier to apply for another year abroad if you have something like that.” 

“You don’t plan on coming home?” Mahdi asks. 

“I do! Just not permanently.” Isak instinctively looks to Even and while he’s no longer smiling, his eyes are still warm and kind. Progress. Magnus gets called over by the photographer as the girls finish their sets of photos. Isak smiles watching as Mags greats his wife with a kiss as they begin to take the newly-weds photos.  

“So, boys, with Isak’s permission, I will be submitting my film into Sundance’s short film category.” Even announces and the boys  start cheering. 

“Even, when you’re rich and famous because of this movie, I expect some of the cut.” Isak says, grinning. 

“Oh, of course. My pain is you’re gain, right?” Isak is a bit taken aback by his words, but Jonas is laughing and Even is wiggling his eyebrows so he tries to not take offense. (‘Tries’ being the operative word because ouch, Even.) 

“Just glad you’re succeeding.” Isak smiles. Even’s face falters a bit at the confession. 

“Glad you’re succeeding too.” They’re eye contact is broken by a loud ringing from Jonas’ pocket. 

“Shit, it’s my boss.” Jonas says, quickly answering it. “Hello?” Jonas steps aside for a bit of privacy and Isak turns to look at Even again. Even is no longer facing him. Instead, he and Mahdi are looking over at Magnus with soft smiles. Isak follows their gaze and he feels his heart swell. Magnus is holding Tove in his arms and he can just see the adoration so clearly on eachothers faces. Without thinking, he looks back over to Even and is surprised to see him looking back. They may have been able to fake being fine throughout the service but Even looks so fucking good in his tux and Isak just misses him so much and Magnus and Tove are so in love and Isak remembers feeling that way once with Even and he wonders if he could feel that way again and. Isak blinks, stopping his internal freakout, just in time for Jonas to return. 

“Hey, Isak, I’m really sorry, bro.” 

“Why?” Isak says, wrinkling his eyebrows. 

“My boss just called and someone fucked up a delivery at the bookstore so I need to come in early tomorrow to fix it all. I can’t take you to the airport.” 

“I’ll take him.” Even says it so fast that, Isak blushes. Jonas looks over at Isak, his eyes asking if this is okay. 

“Thanks, Even.” Isak says, answering for both him and Jonas. Jonas shakes his head, but smiles. 

“Thanks, bro. You really saved my ass.” Jonas says. Even just nods his head, before his eyes return to Isak. For a split second Isak has a mental picture of Even pushing him against a wall and shoving his tongue down Isak’s throat. Isak is surprised by how badly this image _arouses_ him. Fuck, Isak. Get your shit together. You broke up with Even for a reason. Yeah, he looks unbelievable in his tux, and yes, Isak will see him again in the morning (sleepy eyed Even is a favorite of Isak’s) but California was the best decision Isak had ever made. Isak turns his head to look over at Magnus and Tove to see them chatting with the photographer. Magnus checks his watch and then looks over to the boys. 

“We gotta head back to the reception now.” Magnus shouts over. 

 

The car ride back was eventful, with Even sitting next to Isak, their knees brushing each other. And when did Even slide back into Isak’s head? When did Isak turn 17 again, scared of his feelings and the most beautiful man he had ever seen? When they parked the van, Isak practically twisted his ankle, rushing out of the car. Isak followed the boys and the bridesmaids inside the hall and towards the main table and _of fucking course_ Isak was seated next to Even. They stood behind their chairs as the DJ announced Magnus and Tove and the entire hall broke into applause as they enter to Beyonce’s “Love on Top.” Their love is contagious and he finds himself cheering for the happy couple alongside the rest of the wedding party. After that, the food begins to be served. One of Magnus’ food friends is catering so the food is locally made and delicious. The entire hall is filled with chattering and laughter and Isak doesn’t even realize he had completely zoned out until Even bumps his knee against Isak. Isak turns his head to face him. 

“So. Since we’re friends again, I feel like I should be updated on your life.” 

“We never stopped being friends, Even.” Isak rolls his eyes until Even gives him a pointed look. “Maybe we weren’t, you know, actively being friends. But we’ve always been friends.” Even shakes his head, chuckling. 

“Okay, well then, tell me about your life.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“Everything.” So Isak starts to talk. About the classes he’s taking and his friends in California and the research he’s doing with his thermodynamics teacher. He talks about how his roomate has an illegal pet cat named Leonardo that stinks up the bathroom with his litterbox and the first time he went to an American party. Even’s eyes keep lighting up and he laughs when Isak tells him how he accidentally emailed his professor in Norwegian instead of English. They talk until their food is gone and the lights start to dim for Magnus and Tove’s first dance. Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” begins to bleed through the speakers. The two of them glide around the room with the kind of grace that Isak didn’t know Magnus had. When he glances over at Even midsong, he finds Even already looking at him. _You look perfect tonight_.

“I didn’t know Magnus could dance.” Isak whispers. 

“They took lessons for a month.” Even whispers back and Isak giggles a bit of this. He feels giddy. Here they were, together, _talking_ again and Ed Sheeran is playing. When the dance ends, everyone applauds as an upbeat song starts to play. 

“Would you like to dance?” Even asks and maybe it’s the two glasses of champagne Isak has already had tonight, but he finds himself agreeing. There’s already a surplus of people pouring onto the dance floor and pretty soon Isak and Even are in the thick of it, jumping around and laughing.  Isak feels _happy_. And tipsy. He’s tripping over his feet and doing weird dance moves, Timothee Chalamet _Call Me By Your Name_ style. Even just looks so bright. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are shining and his smile is so wide. It takes everything in Isak not to lean into his touch and bestow eskimo kiss upon eskimo kiss on Even’s nose. He sees Jonas in the corner watching him and Even with questioning eyes, and, yeah, there’s a part of Isak that wondering what the fuck he’s doing right, but he’s choosing to ignore it. Tomorrow may bring regret and heartbreak, but today is all about living in the now. 

Eventually, the music transitions into a slow dance, and before Isak even has time to make it awkward, Even has pulled him close. 

“You look like an angel tonight, Mr. Valtersen.” Even says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Why, thank you,” Isak giggles. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” They lapse into a soft silence, letting the music wash over them. Isak can feel himself getting lost in Even’s eyes, the high of dancing wearing off. 

“What happened to us?” Even whispers. Isak doesn’t know what to say. He knows that Even understands why they broke up, but something tells him this isn’t what Even is talking about. “I miss you.” Isak opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by Even continuing. “I miss us just hanging out, you know? Like I miss telling you things.” 

“I miss that too.” Isak gently smiles at him. 

“Do you… do you ever wish you hadn’t gone to California?” Even looks scared to ask, almost tightening his grip on Isak’s waist, like he’s worried Isak will actually run away from his question. 

“Sometimes. When it’s late and I’m lonely, but not very often.” Even looks a little sad at this. “I made the right decision. Even, I buried myself within you. It was never anything you did wrong. I put my self worth on you and that’s just not healthy.” 

“You should’ve talked to me about it.” 

“Yeah, I should’ve. But I think I knew that I needed to experience life without you to really grow.” 

“Did you grow?” 

“So much, Even. I know who I am and what I want to do and I’m more than the man of your dreams, I’m my own person.” Isak is searching Even’s face, hoping he understands, but Even just looks sad.

“I’m happy for you.” Even finally says and when Isak raises his eyebrows, Even laughs bitterly. “I am. I just…” Even trails off, moving his eyes to the ground, until Isak nudges him to continue. “You’re still the man of my dreams.” The slow song ends here and silence fills the room for a loud minute, until an upbeat song begins again. Isak doesn’t really feel like he can breathe, Even’s honesty has taken all the air out of the room. 

“I’m going to go get a drink.” He finally says, practically running away from Even to the bar. 

 

Isak is drunk. Like, properly drunk now. Even is chatting with Eva, an easy smile on his face and Isak wants to lick it off his mouth. He wants to push Even against a wall and run his hands over Even’s tight pants. But Even is talking to Eva and he doesn’t want to be _that_ person. He doesn’t want to join a conversation just because Even is there looking glorious in his suit, his hair all fluffy and light, just begging to be roughed up by Isak’s hands and _fuck._ Isak is so drunk. He’s also tired. His jet lag is really starting to get to him. He tried to just switch over to Oslo’s time zone and now he just wants to sleep. He takes a seat next to Jonas, giving him a sleepy smile. 

“Bro, you okay?” Jonas laughs. 

“So tired.” 

“What time is it the Cali right now?” Isak checks his watch seeing that it reads 19:30. 

“It’s 10:30.” Isak laughs. 

“Fuck.” Isak lays his head on Jonas’ shoulder. 

“When I get back to the states I think I’m going to sleep for three weeks straight.” 

“How is your insomnia, by the way?” Jonas says, and Isak sighs. 

“It’s better. I’m involved in this trial program through Berkeley’s medical program. I’m responding really well to it actually.” 

“Then why do you sound sad?” 

“I kind of hate that I have to take medicine to sleep.” Isak chuckles, bitterly. He’s had his eyes closed for the majority of the conversation and when he opens them, he sees Even staring at him and Jonas from across the room. Apparently Jonas sees it too. 

“How’s that going?” 

“Hm?” 

“You and Even.” 

“Oh.” He goes quiet, trying to figure out what to say. Whether he should tell Jonas that he’s barely keeping it together and half of him wants to run away and the other half of him wants to suck his face off. “Things are weird between us.” 

“I can find someone else to drive you to the airport if you need me to.” 

“No!” Jonas turns his body so Isak is forced to face him, raising his eyebrow. “It’s just. We’re trying to communicate, as friends. But, fuck, I think part of me is still in love with him.” 

“Why is that bad?” 

“Jonas, you know why.” Isak deadpans. “I get lost in him, I needed to figure out who I was.” 

“I agree, you definitely needed to do that. And you did. So why is bad _now_ that you’re feeling something for him again?” This shuts Isak up real quick. Jonas lets him sit in this thoughts for a minute before speaking again. “I’m just saying, bro, you loved him for a reason. You two were awesome together. I’m not saying you need to get back together, but don’t be against the idea. I don’t know if you can see it, but you’re a different person now. Stronger. I don’t think you would make the same mistakes.” Isak’s eyes follow Even as he takes Eva out on the dance floor. They’re laughing and Eva is incredibly drunk, tripping over Even’s feet. His heart is filled with longing. 

“But Jonas, I live in California and he lives here.” 

“And our relationship is perfectly fine.” 

“We’re different.” Jonas sighs at this. 

“Isak, I think Even would move across the globe if you asked him to.” 

“He shouldn’t have to leave his home for me.” 

“Home isn’t always a place.” Jonas stands up after this, giving Isak a meaningful look that Isak is almost too drunk to understand. Almost. _Love can be your home_. 

 

Even is clicking his knife against his glass to get everyone’s attention. The room slowly fall silent, a few murmurs still echoing in the giant hall. 

“Hi everyone. My name is Even Bech Næsheim and I am Magnus’ best man!” Applause. “Today, I’d like to talk to you all about this lovely couple we came to celebrate. Let’s be honest, we’re all a little shocked that Magnus actually convinced a girl to marry him.” Everyone laughs as Magnus yells out a _Oi!_ to Even’s jab. “In all seriousness, Tove and Magnus are a match made in heaven. There is a lot to learn from a couple like them.” The room hushes at this, ready to hear any wisdom that Even has to bestow. “The two of them balance each other out. They’re kind and loving and supportive of each other. While they are vastly different, these differences unite them in a spectacular way. I’m so honored that I am able to watch them grow together.” A few _aws_ fill the room and Even laughs. “I met Magnus only a few years ago. As someone who suffers from bipolar disorder, he was a breath of fresh air. He truly understood what I was feeling and always was willing to listen. To me, this was unique, but anyone who knows Magnus knows this is just his nature. He is a kind and understanding man and wonderful friend. He has taught me that all relationships, romantic or platonic, are most successful when surrounded by communication and support. Tove, you are truly a lucky woman to have found a man like him.” Tove nods her head, placing her hand over her heart. “I don’t want to talk for too long, so I’d like to finish with something Magnus told me once. About a year ago, fresh from a broken heart, I came to Magnus looking for advice and he told me this: All feelings are incredible gifts, whether they are filled with pain or joy. A life without emotion is a dead one. Tove and Magnus, I hope your life together is filled with emotions. Thank you.” The crowd erupts in applause and Tove and Magnus stand up to hug Even. Isak feels frozen, watching Even glow after his speech. His _brilliant_ speech. His eyes follow him as he gives Tove a kiss on her cheek and when his face turns to look at Isak. And Isak is tired. He’s so fucking tired. He just wants to feel Even’s arms around him and he just wants to lay in his bed in California. He feels like he’s splitting open. It’s almost like Even can feel the intense desire that Isak is consumed with, for before Isak has time to register it, Even is walking over to Isak. 

“Hey.” Even says, shifting his weight between his feet. He looks so cute right now, with his rosey cheeks and falling quiff. So Isak kisses him. He places both hands on Even’s warm cheeks, lifts his head and just kisses him— and Even kisses back. They’re in the corner of the hall and Isak can feel light filling up his body, can feel his toes curling and taste buds longing for more of that Even taste they’d ben deprived of. Even is surging into him, responding to Isak’s advances almost immediately. It’s messy, like they’ve been dehydrated and this kiss is water. And maybe Isak has been dehydrated. Maybe he’d been pushing down his feelings for so long that he’d forgotten what it was like to not ache. Yet, with Even’s tongue in his mouth, the ache is gone. 

 

Outside the hall is hill overlooking a lake. It’s a stunning view but Isak doesn’t care. They’ve swiped a bottle of champagne and in between sips of it, they’re tongues are dancing. When Even had finally pulled away, Isak’s mind immediately went into an anxiety ridden hyperdrive. But Even had just grabbed the nearest bottle of alcohol he could find and dragged Isak outside, stopping every few seconds to press more giggly kisses to Isak’s mouth. Now, they’ve been lazily making out for goodness knows how long. It could’ve been minutes or years for all Isak cares. If he could live in this moment he would. Finally Even pulls away again, gasping for air and taking another sip of the champagne. Isak takes a breath to try to calm down his body. He blinks a few times, and actually takes in his surroundings. There’s surprisingly very little light pollution where they are and Isak can see the stars fairly well. 

“Hey Even.” He whispers. Even turns his head to face Isak. 

“Yeah?” 

“Look at the stars.” Isak can hear Even resituating himself onto his back. 

“Wow.” Even breathes out. “I haven’t seen a sky this clear in a while.” 

“Look, if you look over there the north star.” Even’s eyes follows Isak’s pointing hand. 

“I’ve never been good at this kind of stuff, not like you are.” 

“I like the north star because I can see it in California too.” Even sighs. 

“What are we doing, Isak?” Even’s turned to look at him but Isak’s scared that if he meets Even’s eyes he’ll start crying. Instead, he finds Jupiter and focuses his gaze the planet. 

“Do you want me to be honest?” 

“Always.” 

“I don’t know.” And Isak means it, he doesn’t have a fucking clue. Even’s hands are shaking again, and Isak can feel them twitch next to his own hands. “I don’t plan on living in Oslo. I love California. I want to work in NASA and I want to continue learning. I need to go to graduate school and I plan on doing that in America. I don’t have a goddamn clue what we’re doing. But I know that I love you.” Even stops breathing when he says this and Isak can’t believe he’s saying this out loud right now. “I don’t think I ever stopped.” Even’s hand fumbles around until he grabs Isak’s, lacing their fingers together. 

“I know I love you too.”

“I go back to California tomorrow.” 

“I know.” Even gives Isak’s hand a squeeze. Isak doesn't’ realize he’s crying until he tastes salt, he doesn’t realize Even is crying too until he hears Even sniffle beside him. “Show me more stars, show me the stars that we can share.” So Isak takes a deep breathe and starts to point out different constellations and planets, telling little facts and stories about each star. They don’t lay there for that much longer, just holding hands and stargazing. Eventually, they both remember their groomsmen in a wedding and stand up to rejoin the wedding party. Isak wipes the grass of his pants, turning to look back at Even. This time it’s Even who takes Isak’s face in his hands and kisses him. It’s soft and short and when Even pulls away he has a sad smile on his face. 

‘C’mon, Is, let’s go back in.” They don’t hold hands when they enter the hall. 

 

The reception doesn’t last much longer, only about an hour or so. Everyone waves as Magnus and Tove get into a car that says “Just Married!” that will take them to a hotel in Oslo to share their wedding night before catching a flight to India where they’ll both honeymoon and try different coffee beans for Magnus’ cafe. It’s only then that Even returns to Isak. He had been keeping his distance after coming inside, standing with Noora, occasionally catching Isak’s gaze, only to look away after a second. Isak’s buzz is wearing off, but due to the amount of water that Jonas has been pushing on him, he doesn’t have much of a headache yet. 

“Can I share an Uber with you?” Even says, and Isak says _yes_. After saying goodbye to the boys, the two of them step outside to wait for the car. Isak feels cold and lonely and so fucking tired. His body is screaming at him to sleep at this point. So he just tightens his suit jacket, pulling it closer to his body and tries to take silent, deep breaths. Apparently, he’s not as subtle as he thinks he is, for Even wraps his arm around Isak’s body, pulling the shorter boy into his side. They stay quiet, sharing their warmth in the darkness. At one point, Isak thinks Even places a kiss into his hair, but he’s is so tired he can’t be sure.

When the car arrives, they silently climb into the backseat, Even telling the driver Magnus’ address. Isak immediately leans his body against Even’s, molding himself into Even’s nooks and crannies. Even just holds him, his hand rubbing Isak’s arm, occasionally pushing his nose into Isak’s hair and breathing in. Eventually, right when Isak thinks he might actually fall asleep, Even speaks. 

“I would’ve gone to California with you, you know. If you had asked, I would’ve gone.” It takes a moment for the words to sink into Isak’s brain and he’s suddenly very awake again. 

“You were at UiO.” 

“Yeah, but, I would’ve gone. I would’ve dropped everything.” Isak is quiet, not knowing what to say. “I know that wasn’t the reason we broke up, I know that, but sometimes I wish I had fought harder.” 

“You can visit me in California.” Isak clears his throat a bit, hating how weak he sounds. “I want you to.” Even’s eyes meet Isak’s in the dark and Isak can see a million emotions painted across his face. Isak leans up and kisses him, soft. Even melts into it, but only for a moment, pulling away a second later to rest his head on top of Isak’s. 

“I love you so much.” Even whispers and even though Isak’s heard him say it before, Isak can feel his heart skip a beat. He doesn’t say it back, it feels redundant, knowing that Even knows he loves him. That his lips had whispered it already tonight as they had danced with Even’s. Instead, he closes his eyes and tries to be present. He tries to memorize the feeling of Even’s arms around him, the feel of his breath against his neck and scent that smells too familiar and too strange at the same time. The mood is somber, as if the sleep that is cascading around Isak’s mind is just one big reminder that things are not the same— that Isak leaves in the morning. 

When the car parks in front of Magnus’ apartment, they both get out. Isak pays the driver for his fare and Even tells him he’ll just walk home, so they both stand and watch the car zoom off into the night. The air is soft and cool and Oslo is alive at this time of night, a little past 22. Isak can feel his moments with Even and despite that fact that he hasn’t slept in what feels like years, he doesn’t want to go upstairs to an empty apartment and an empty bed. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” Isak says, quietly. Even looks at him a moment, studying him. Maybe it was the wrong thing to say, with how precarious their relationship is, but it’s the truth. Then, Even backs him up against the brick wall of the apartment building and kisses him hard, his hips grinding up onto Isak’s. And, God, Isak has missed this so much. He lets out a strangled moan that just seems to encourage Even. The street is empty, but Isak can hear voices echoing in the distance. He can’t find the will to care though, just wanting _more, more, more_ of Even. Finally, Even pulls away, his eyes dark and his hair absolutely fucked by Isak’s hands. 

“I don’t want to leave you either.” 

They end up a few streets away in an empty coffee shop, snuggled up together in a back corner booth. They’re sharing a coffee, passing the hot mug between their cold hands, giggling. Isak’s telling him about the old man he sat next to on his flight over who kept asking if he had a girlfriend. 

“I told him girls weren’t my type and he just didn’t get it.” Isak sputters, enjoying Even’s laugh that follows. 

“And what is your type then, Mr. Valtersen?” Even says, leaning in to rub their noses together teasingly. 

“You.” Even kisses him softly in response. They’re both treading a fine line, hoping that the mask of night will hide their fears. And fuck, Isak is tired of that. He’s tired of only speaking his truth when it’s dark. “I don’t think we should get back together.” Even pulls away slowly. 

“I agree.” 

“We were fighting so much when we broke up, those issues are still there.” 

“That they are.” Even says, looking down. His eyelashes are long and beautiful and Isak has the urge to kiss him, so he does. 

“I don’t want to lose this though. Because I love you. If I know anything to be certain, it’s that I love you.” Even looks up at him, his eyes full of wonder. 

“I have never loved anyone like I love you.” 

“I live in California.” 

“I’ll visit.” Even is smiling softly and Isak is absolutely love drunk. His smile is infectious and the conversation lulls for a minute as Isak just stares at Even, mirroring his quiet happiness. “How about this,” Even says, pulling back a bit, “I come visit you in California soon and until then, we don’t stop talking.” And realistically, Isak knows that this has the ability to go horribly, but it’s the best option they’ve got. So he agrees, surging up to kiss Even once more. 

 

Even ends up staying the night, but only after the wander around Oslo until the wee hours, kissing in the shadows and laughing in the light. The don’t sleep together, instead they just _sleep_  together. And when the morning light finds them cuddled up together, Isak’s happy to find the magic that he and Even had rediscovered is still there. Isak’s almost late to the airport due to Even being so damn cute that Isak just _had_ to kiss him. Even walks him up to security and Isak knows he’s running late, but the two still stop to give eachother a proper goodbye. Even wraps his arms tight around Isak and Isak isn’t going to cry, damn it. And it’s sappy as shit, but Isak grabs Even’s face and kisses him hard, whispering _I love you_ into his lips. 

“I’ll visit in a month.” Even promises. 

 

Isak holds the promise close to his heart through security and on the plane. He holds it when he lands in America and when he steps back into his dorm room. He holds the promise tight as he lays in bed that night, exhausted and missing Even’s arms. 

 

Maybe, just maybe, they could both get the good side of things. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO much for reading. i worked so hard on this and i'm just so grateful that you all took the time to read about my universe. 
> 
> if you all like where this is going, i'm considering making a mini-series where i continue Isak and Even's journey to reconstructing their love. let me know if you like this idea! 
> 
> once again, thank you. 
> 
> alt er love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'll post the next part as soon as I can.


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